DatingForCanada.com The Blog

1. Treat Them Well!
The same rules of gentlemanly conduct that apply in life, apply to online dating. Women want to be treated like a lady; respect her and you’ll be a well on your way. If your rude and offensive, you’ll have very little success.

2. Lovers come and go - friends last forever.
While some women who are looking for a casual one-net stand can be found, most women want new online relationships to grow out of a friendship. Creating a safe and comfortable environment will encourage responses from her. Even the most sensuous encounters are still all about creating relationships. While not every woman you connect with online will be permanent, and they may not have the deepest emotional intimacy, the guidelines for good relationship building online are the same. Worst case scenario you’ve got a new friend. (For advice on going from friends to lovers, read this article).

3. Recognize the various stages of relationships
Different rules apply for each stage of seduction. Recognize what stage of the seduction you’re in: Stage One: Making Initial Contact. Second Stage: Flirting and Courtship. Third Stage: Getting Serious. Success comes to the man who recognizes what stage he is in.

4. Getting in the Door — the First Stage of Seduction.
The first stage is making contact and determining if the woman is interested in your attention. At this initial stage most woman are still very cautious, in “the no thank you” mode. Clearly, now is not the best time to be sending her direct, private or explicit messages, because she is still deciding if she is interested in you. Best bet is to establish a friendly connection first. Be sure she really wants to connect before you escalate your advances. Assuming you have determined that she is responding to you, the next step is establishing a connection that is personal to the two of you. The art of the first stage is knowing how to make it personal without making it too personal. It requires sensitivity to identify and respect where her boundaries are at each stage.

5. Making a Connection - The Second Stage of Seduction.
The best flirtation is like a good tennis match with both players going back and forth. If she is not responding at your pace, SLOW DOWN. There is no point in trying to `ace’ her at this stage of your (hopefully) budding relationship. Be interested in her, who she is, not what she is! Ask questions, but don’t make her feel like she’s the subject of police interrogation or college interview. Ask open-ended questions that can promote discussion and conversation rather as opposed to closed tend to lead to yes or no answers, perhaps bringing the conversation to a halt. Keep things flowing and natural. Always respond to her, never let a comment or question go by unanswered. If you don’t have an answer, speak up (softly). Don’t just be silent - it’s always easier to keep the connection going than it is to re-start it.

6. Moving to Stage Three: This isn’t Poker – Don’t Bluff
Be honest! If you don’t look like Brad Pitt, don’t mislead her? You might as well take the risk to find out if she is interested in who you really are. She’ll be very angry at you if she finds out later you have mislead her AT ALL – even on something trivial. Be truthful about your intentions with her at this stage. If you are not looking for a romance, don’t lead her on. If you have other important relationships on the net or in life, fill her in and keep her informed, otherwise there are bound to be hurt feelings. Ask her the same questions about her love life and intentions so each of you is on the same page and there are no surprises. It’s often best to reveal something about yourself FIRST and then ask her to do the same. Make sure to tell her how you feel; in the long run she’ll respect and trust you more for being open and honest.

7. Let her take the lead.
As you move through the levels, if possible, let her take the lead toward becoming more intimate. If she initiates deeper levels, you will know that this is what she really wants, and it will allow her to feel more in control of the situation. If a woman feels in charge she’s less likely to become afraid of more intensity. If she is shy, you can still help her feel in control by inviting her (see above tips) rather than force her. By now, both of you should have a good idea of what you want/are looking for from this relationship and can decide whether to up the intimacy and intensity or perhaps look elsewhere and part ways.

If you’ve followed the steps closely, you’ll have an open, honest dialogue where everyone knows what to expect and hurt feelings can be minimized if tings don’t work out. If they do, you’ve built a solid foundation for your new relationship!

A good number of online dating services, such as LavaLife, Match.com, and Date.ca require that you provide a short header message (opening line) that appears under your member name when people do searches – similar to MySpace. Too often people don’t know what to put in that space and how to bets utilize it, thus ending up with generic headers like, “I may be the one for you” or “hello”.

It’s critical that you take advantage of your header message and develop one that commands attention - something clever, funny, or philosophical that will make a person want to click on your profile and read it.

While this will add a few minutes to your registration time, it will go a long way to enhancing your experience. Here are a couple of tips for what goes into creating a profile that people will want to click on and check out. It goes without saying that a photo is going to be an integral part of this process, as is your username, but these tips are directed solely at the header portion of your profile.

1) Don’t be cliché or boring

When you don’t know what to say for your header message, resist the temptation to resort to overused default headers like “Searching for Love” or “Looking to meet new people.”

You don’t want to appear ordinary. Each service has tens of thousands of users and they are all competing with you in a quest to find that “perfect” partner. As a result, you need to ensure that the header you use will attract the attention of others. Looking at these examples I found searching the Internet, which one would you be most likely to look twice at?

“Looking to Meet New People”
“Hello”
“Willing to Lie About How We Met!”
“You May be the One I’m Looking for”

One of these things is not like the other… The best one takes a humorous approach to the concept of telling others how you met. It’s unique and clever. Make sure your header is the diamond in the rough among boring, cliché header messages.

2) Do some research

One of the best ways to get creative and come up with that witty, winning profile header is to check out the ones that interest you. What is it about that particular header that makes you want to click on their profile and learn more? Identify patterns and see what is catching your eye, and then apply those to creating your own. Here are a few favorites I found around the Web:

“We make a perfect couple: I’ve got the brains and you’ve got the body!”
“Ok, I’m here. Now what’s your other two wishes?”
“Bright spark looking to ignite shared paths”
“Just like a new job, I offer excellent benefits.”
Taking just a few minutes to look around and see what other people are doing to catch YOUR eye, then thinking creatively about yourself for a minute can lead to much better results.
3) Screen your matches

One of the most common gripes among online daters is the sheer number of people who contact them that don’t meet their criteria. Older men/women, people with body types you aren’t looking for or daters from far, far away. If you want to improve the interest shown to you from qualified respondents, use your header as a screen for your profile. For instance:

“Looking for fit 24-30 year old male within 20 miles of Los Angeles”

By utilizing the header as a filter, when a person who doesn’t match your criteria reads your header they are likely to move past it. However, if a “fit 24-30 year old local male” reads it, then it should attract him because he meets your criteria. Once again, some real gems from browsing around online:

“I love a man in uniform. Military men, apply within.”
“Please be local, fit, over 40, and have a posted picture.”
“Must be at least 5′10″ to get on this ride”
“Romantic men seem to be extinct. If you’re extinct, contact me now.”

Of course, you could also just join one of the services that are designed with a much more defined target audience in mind and not have to worry as much about this particular tip.

4) Mix it up!

Much like changing your sheets, it’s always a good idea to keep your profile fresh and new by rotating your pictures and changing your header message once in awhile. Every so often (1-3 weeks) come up with a new and clever, creative, or filtered subject header. Different subject headers attract different people, therefore you may reach “new” people by keeping your header fresh and updated, breaking you out of an online dating rut.

Follow these easy tips and you can maximize your account and better leverage the dating pool online to best suit your needs.

Things to look for before subscribing to a dating service:

There are hundreds (literally) of online dating websites but the majority of those are little more than spam communities packed with fake profiles. So how do you tell the winners from the spammers? As you can see from our homepage, we’ve done the research for you — with the user reviews to back it up — and, with that in mind, here are some key pointers to think about when you’re signing up for a new dating service,

1. Is it free to try? For 100% online based dating services, make sure there is a free trial otherwise don’t join.
2. If they send spam, leave. If they start sending you fake emails bag them instantly.
3. Great services will contact you in person to find out what type of mate you’re looking for and what type of person you are so they can match you accordingly.
4. Local is best. If you can find local sites or services — like those offering Canadian-specific profiles — working in person is definitely safer and more promising than anonymous (or foreign) online services.

Good luck!

Keep these tips handy for the next time you go out!

1. Befriend as many women as possible. Seriously, think about it - women are more likely to hook you up with their guy friends if they are friends with you.

2. Your guy friends have friends. Yeah, no surprise huh? Your guy friends have tons of guy friends who have tons more. If you feel comfortable, ask one of your friends to bring you to like every social gathering he goes to. Don’t be afraid to meet other women there too (remember rule 1). Just remember not to appear like your his boyfriend…

3. Show you’re interested! It’s way too often that a women doesn’t show any expression of interest to a man even if she is. Smile at him for sure, wink at him (if you’re comfortable) and even just wave at him or wave him over!

3a. Here’s a bonus suggestion (and the most important): HAVE FUN! if you can’t have fun, what’s the point?!

When Jane Coloccia set out to find her soul mate online she had no idea that eight years and 200 dates later she would end up an expert on the topic, writing a book and setting up a course to teach the pitfalls of Web love.

Coloccia, now 45, was living in Manhattan and struggling to meet single, straight men when one of her friends met a man online and married him. She decided to give it a go.

Over the next few years, she was swamped with emails and instant messages from attentive men, some who told her she was beautiful, others who lied about their age, weight, hair, and marital status, and one who became her therapist.

Learning along the way how to spot the liars, Coloccia has written a book, “Confessions of an Online Dating Addict: A True Account of Dating and Relating in the Internet Age,” tracking the highs, lows — and addiction — of online dating. She is also developing an online course on Web dating.

Acknowledging the seductive nature of online personals, Coloccia believes that many single men and women are susceptible to the instant gratification of instant message or email compliments. Even typed-written sweet nothings purr through cyberspace.

Apparently, her assumption that web personal ads serves seduce a wide audience is correct. Recent figures observed by Jupiter Research indicate that internet matchmaking sites’ profits have risen by nearly doubled in the last three years. With expectations that revenues will grow by at least another 16% in the next four years, she has identified a market in need of guidance.

Sharing the scarier, more irritating and best dates of her personal match making experiences, she identifies the most likely dating pitfalls for would-be internet daters to avoid, including:

• Quickly rushing into traditional dating patterns
• Accepting outdated photos as proof of timely appearance
• Settling for online partners who inaccurately portray themselves, their looks or their marital status
• Being afraid to ask tough or potentially intrusive questions before meeting for a date
• Failing to thoroughly read the potential dater’s profile
• Ignoring the signs that the potential date is otherwise involved.

Coloccia explains that many singles looking for love in cyber space are tempted to show themselves young, firm, sexy and expertly coiffed. But old pictures belie a darker truth that things may not be what they seem. Single people who are comfortable with themselves inspire more comfortable dating situations for their significant others. Confident singles tell the truth, show themselves for who they are–weaknesses and attributes alike and answer honest questions without shame.

Furthermore, she warns that many potential partners hide behind their charming profiles, refusing to share photos, exchange numbers, or IM at times other than deepest, darkest night. Such behavior indicates that the romancer has something to hide from you or another significant other. Building on real life experience, she proves that proper internet matchmaking practices can lead to romantic success in real time and improper practices are a waste of time.

With the widespread popularity of Internet dating services has come an entirely new set of rules for Internet dating – Internet dating etiquette. Here are some Internet dating etiquette guidelines to follow to make sure that your Internet dating is effective, non-offensive, and safe.

• Start small and show you read the profile – Rather than using the personals service email system to send the story of your life to your potential date, write a short paragraph simply introducing yourself. Include a line or two that directly addresses something that you read in the recipient’s dating profile. This will show the recipient that you aren’t just taking a shot in the dark!
• Make sure the interest is mutual – Ask the person directly to review your Internet dating profile and reply if they’re interested.
• Choose a mode of conversation that you’re both comfortable with – Some Internet dating service users will want to keep things virtual for awhile, while others will be ready to give you their phone number right away.
• Don’t assume familiarity when you meet in person – Meeting someone from a single dating service in person for the first time is like starting over – you realize that you don’t know nearly as much about the person as you thought and it can be quite shocking!
• Take things slow – The secret to turning an internet dating site attraction into a lasting relationship is to go at a realistic pace. Internet dating sites tend to create quick connections that crash and burn. To make things last, slow them down!

By following these Internet dating etiquette tips, you’ll be sure to impress your potential Internet dating service dates and make a great first impression!