DatingForCanada.com The Blog

1. Treat Them Well!
The same rules of gentlemanly conduct that apply in life, apply to online dating. Women want to be treated like a lady; respect her and you’ll be a well on your way. If your rude and offensive, you’ll have very little success.

2. Lovers come and go - friends last forever.
While some women who are looking for a casual one-net stand can be found, most women want new online relationships to grow out of a friendship. Creating a safe and comfortable environment will encourage responses from her. Even the most sensuous encounters are still all about creating relationships. While not every woman you connect with online will be permanent, and they may not have the deepest emotional intimacy, the guidelines for good relationship building online are the same. Worst case scenario you’ve got a new friend. (For advice on going from friends to lovers, read this article).

3. Recognize the various stages of relationships
Different rules apply for each stage of seduction. Recognize what stage of the seduction you’re in: Stage One: Making Initial Contact. Second Stage: Flirting and Courtship. Third Stage: Getting Serious. Success comes to the man who recognizes what stage he is in.

4. Getting in the Door — the First Stage of Seduction.
The first stage is making contact and determining if the woman is interested in your attention. At this initial stage most woman are still very cautious, in “the no thank you” mode. Clearly, now is not the best time to be sending her direct, private or explicit messages, because she is still deciding if she is interested in you. Best bet is to establish a friendly connection first. Be sure she really wants to connect before you escalate your advances. Assuming you have determined that she is responding to you, the next step is establishing a connection that is personal to the two of you. The art of the first stage is knowing how to make it personal without making it too personal. It requires sensitivity to identify and respect where her boundaries are at each stage.

5. Making a Connection - The Second Stage of Seduction.
The best flirtation is like a good tennis match with both players going back and forth. If she is not responding at your pace, SLOW DOWN. There is no point in trying to `ace’ her at this stage of your (hopefully) budding relationship. Be interested in her, who she is, not what she is! Ask questions, but don’t make her feel like she’s the subject of police interrogation or college interview. Ask open-ended questions that can promote discussion and conversation rather as opposed to closed tend to lead to yes or no answers, perhaps bringing the conversation to a halt. Keep things flowing and natural. Always respond to her, never let a comment or question go by unanswered. If you don’t have an answer, speak up (softly). Don’t just be silent - it’s always easier to keep the connection going than it is to re-start it.

6. Moving to Stage Three: This isn’t Poker – Don’t Bluff
Be honest! If you don’t look like Brad Pitt, don’t mislead her? You might as well take the risk to find out if she is interested in who you really are. She’ll be very angry at you if she finds out later you have mislead her AT ALL – even on something trivial. Be truthful about your intentions with her at this stage. If you are not looking for a romance, don’t lead her on. If you have other important relationships on the net or in life, fill her in and keep her informed, otherwise there are bound to be hurt feelings. Ask her the same questions about her love life and intentions so each of you is on the same page and there are no surprises. It’s often best to reveal something about yourself FIRST and then ask her to do the same. Make sure to tell her how you feel; in the long run she’ll respect and trust you more for being open and honest.

7. Let her take the lead.
As you move through the levels, if possible, let her take the lead toward becoming more intimate. If she initiates deeper levels, you will know that this is what she really wants, and it will allow her to feel more in control of the situation. If a woman feels in charge she’s less likely to become afraid of more intensity. If she is shy, you can still help her feel in control by inviting her (see above tips) rather than force her. By now, both of you should have a good idea of what you want/are looking for from this relationship and can decide whether to up the intimacy and intensity or perhaps look elsewhere and part ways.

If you’ve followed the steps closely, you’ll have an open, honest dialogue where everyone knows what to expect and hurt feelings can be minimized if tings don’t work out. If they do, you’ve built a solid foundation for your new relationship!

While many people start out in the online dating world looking for a relationship or a casual fling, many people also use it as a tool to make some new friends and take things slowly. While this is a perfectly acceptable method for using online dating services and has been very successful for lots of people, there can be some hesitation and awkwardness surrounding the transfer from “friends” to lovers or partners. Here are 3 great strategies for bridging that gap from being great friends to starting a great relationship.

1. The Messenger Tactic
The friend approach goes back to elementary and junior high days when a guy or girl would send their friend over to see if so-and-so liked them. It’s likely that you both share common friends. You can opt to have one of those friends do some prodding on your behalf to get a general idea of where they see things going, etc. etc. This may be a bit childish for some, but can certainly provide a good work around for any timidity about broaching the subject you may have.

2. Dropping Hints Method
This strategy allows you to drop innocent “hints” or comments and gauge how the other person reacts. These hints can be verbal cues or physical ones and can provide a good barometer for what the other person is thinking/feeling. Verbally you can comment on how the communication you share is really valuable to you and something you would want from a potential partner, or tell them that they exhibit certain characteristics you find attractive or desirable. There are also hints you can do through actions, such as an extended goodbye hug, grabbing their arm or shoulder to direct them somewhere, pulling out chairs at dinner etc. to physically demonstrate interest in a subtle way.

3) The Direct Approach
This approach is simply asking the person how they feel about you and/or if they ever see things progressing beyond a friendship. The direct approach, while carrying the most potential for nervousness and potential discomfort, is the best way to get immediate satisfaction in knowing how the other person feels.

In my opinion, the best approach is probably the direct approach as it is sweet and to the point. However, if you feel very uncomfortable with it, you may want to give one of the other two approaches a try. Either way, you should be able to get a good sense of where things may be going.