DatingForCanada.com The Blog

1. Treat Them Well!
The same rules of gentlemanly conduct that apply in life, apply to online dating. Women want to be treated like a lady; respect her and you’ll be a well on your way. If your rude and offensive, you’ll have very little success.

2. Lovers come and go - friends last forever.
While some women who are looking for a casual one-net stand can be found, most women want new online relationships to grow out of a friendship. Creating a safe and comfortable environment will encourage responses from her. Even the most sensuous encounters are still all about creating relationships. While not every woman you connect with online will be permanent, and they may not have the deepest emotional intimacy, the guidelines for good relationship building online are the same. Worst case scenario you’ve got a new friend. (For advice on going from friends to lovers, read this article).

3. Recognize the various stages of relationships
Different rules apply for each stage of seduction. Recognize what stage of the seduction you’re in: Stage One: Making Initial Contact. Second Stage: Flirting and Courtship. Third Stage: Getting Serious. Success comes to the man who recognizes what stage he is in.

4. Getting in the Door — the First Stage of Seduction.
The first stage is making contact and determining if the woman is interested in your attention. At this initial stage most woman are still very cautious, in “the no thank you” mode. Clearly, now is not the best time to be sending her direct, private or explicit messages, because she is still deciding if she is interested in you. Best bet is to establish a friendly connection first. Be sure she really wants to connect before you escalate your advances. Assuming you have determined that she is responding to you, the next step is establishing a connection that is personal to the two of you. The art of the first stage is knowing how to make it personal without making it too personal. It requires sensitivity to identify and respect where her boundaries are at each stage.

5. Making a Connection - The Second Stage of Seduction.
The best flirtation is like a good tennis match with both players going back and forth. If she is not responding at your pace, SLOW DOWN. There is no point in trying to `ace’ her at this stage of your (hopefully) budding relationship. Be interested in her, who she is, not what she is! Ask questions, but don’t make her feel like she’s the subject of police interrogation or college interview. Ask open-ended questions that can promote discussion and conversation rather as opposed to closed tend to lead to yes or no answers, perhaps bringing the conversation to a halt. Keep things flowing and natural. Always respond to her, never let a comment or question go by unanswered. If you don’t have an answer, speak up (softly). Don’t just be silent - it’s always easier to keep the connection going than it is to re-start it.

6. Moving to Stage Three: This isn’t Poker – Don’t Bluff
Be honest! If you don’t look like Brad Pitt, don’t mislead her? You might as well take the risk to find out if she is interested in who you really are. She’ll be very angry at you if she finds out later you have mislead her AT ALL – even on something trivial. Be truthful about your intentions with her at this stage. If you are not looking for a romance, don’t lead her on. If you have other important relationships on the net or in life, fill her in and keep her informed, otherwise there are bound to be hurt feelings. Ask her the same questions about her love life and intentions so each of you is on the same page and there are no surprises. It’s often best to reveal something about yourself FIRST and then ask her to do the same. Make sure to tell her how you feel; in the long run she’ll respect and trust you more for being open and honest.

7. Let her take the lead.
As you move through the levels, if possible, let her take the lead toward becoming more intimate. If she initiates deeper levels, you will know that this is what she really wants, and it will allow her to feel more in control of the situation. If a woman feels in charge she’s less likely to become afraid of more intensity. If she is shy, you can still help her feel in control by inviting her (see above tips) rather than force her. By now, both of you should have a good idea of what you want/are looking for from this relationship and can decide whether to up the intimacy and intensity or perhaps look elsewhere and part ways.

If you’ve followed the steps closely, you’ll have an open, honest dialogue where everyone knows what to expect and hurt feelings can be minimized if tings don’t work out. If they do, you’ve built a solid foundation for your new relationship!

A good number of online dating services, such as LavaLife, Match.com, and Date.ca require that you provide a short header message (opening line) that appears under your member name when people do searches – similar to MySpace. Too often people don’t know what to put in that space and how to bets utilize it, thus ending up with generic headers like, “I may be the one for you” or “hello”.

It’s critical that you take advantage of your header message and develop one that commands attention - something clever, funny, or philosophical that will make a person want to click on your profile and read it.

While this will add a few minutes to your registration time, it will go a long way to enhancing your experience. Here are a couple of tips for what goes into creating a profile that people will want to click on and check out. It goes without saying that a photo is going to be an integral part of this process, as is your username, but these tips are directed solely at the header portion of your profile.

1) Don’t be cliché or boring

When you don’t know what to say for your header message, resist the temptation to resort to overused default headers like “Searching for Love” or “Looking to meet new people.”

You don’t want to appear ordinary. Each service has tens of thousands of users and they are all competing with you in a quest to find that “perfect” partner. As a result, you need to ensure that the header you use will attract the attention of others. Looking at these examples I found searching the Internet, which one would you be most likely to look twice at?

“Looking to Meet New People”
“Hello”
“Willing to Lie About How We Met!”
“You May be the One I’m Looking for”

One of these things is not like the other… The best one takes a humorous approach to the concept of telling others how you met. It’s unique and clever. Make sure your header is the diamond in the rough among boring, cliché header messages.

2) Do some research

One of the best ways to get creative and come up with that witty, winning profile header is to check out the ones that interest you. What is it about that particular header that makes you want to click on their profile and learn more? Identify patterns and see what is catching your eye, and then apply those to creating your own. Here are a few favorites I found around the Web:

“We make a perfect couple: I’ve got the brains and you’ve got the body!”
“Ok, I’m here. Now what’s your other two wishes?”
“Bright spark looking to ignite shared paths”
“Just like a new job, I offer excellent benefits.”
Taking just a few minutes to look around and see what other people are doing to catch YOUR eye, then thinking creatively about yourself for a minute can lead to much better results.
3) Screen your matches

One of the most common gripes among online daters is the sheer number of people who contact them that don’t meet their criteria. Older men/women, people with body types you aren’t looking for or daters from far, far away. If you want to improve the interest shown to you from qualified respondents, use your header as a screen for your profile. For instance:

“Looking for fit 24-30 year old male within 20 miles of Los Angeles”

By utilizing the header as a filter, when a person who doesn’t match your criteria reads your header they are likely to move past it. However, if a “fit 24-30 year old local male” reads it, then it should attract him because he meets your criteria. Once again, some real gems from browsing around online:

“I love a man in uniform. Military men, apply within.”
“Please be local, fit, over 40, and have a posted picture.”
“Must be at least 5′10″ to get on this ride”
“Romantic men seem to be extinct. If you’re extinct, contact me now.”

Of course, you could also just join one of the services that are designed with a much more defined target audience in mind and not have to worry as much about this particular tip.

4) Mix it up!

Much like changing your sheets, it’s always a good idea to keep your profile fresh and new by rotating your pictures and changing your header message once in awhile. Every so often (1-3 weeks) come up with a new and clever, creative, or filtered subject header. Different subject headers attract different people, therefore you may reach “new” people by keeping your header fresh and updated, breaking you out of an online dating rut.

Follow these easy tips and you can maximize your account and better leverage the dating pool online to best suit your needs.