The Truth About Online Dating
When Jane Coloccia set out to find her soul mate online she had no idea that eight years and 200 dates later she would end up an expert on the topic, writing a book and setting up a course to teach the pitfalls of Web love.
Coloccia, now 45, was living in Manhattan and struggling to meet single, straight men when one of her friends met a man online and married him. She decided to give it a go.
Over the next few years, she was swamped with emails and instant messages from attentive men, some who told her she was beautiful, others who lied about their age, weight, hair, and marital status, and one who became her therapist.
Learning along the way how to spot the liars, Coloccia has written a book, “Confessions of an Online Dating Addict: A True Account of Dating and Relating in the Internet Age,” tracking the highs, lows — and addiction — of online dating. She is also developing an online course on Web dating.
Acknowledging the seductive nature of online personals, Coloccia believes that many single men and women are susceptible to the instant gratification of instant message or email compliments. Even typed-written sweet nothings purr through cyberspace.
Apparently, her assumption that web personal ads serves seduce a wide audience is correct. Recent figures observed by Jupiter Research indicate that internet matchmaking sites’ profits have risen by nearly doubled in the last three years. With expectations that revenues will grow by at least another 16% in the next four years, she has identified a market in need of guidance.
Sharing the scarier, more irritating and best dates of her personal match making experiences, she identifies the most likely dating pitfalls for would-be internet daters to avoid, including:
- Quickly rushing into traditional dating patterns
- Accepting outdated photos as proof of timely appearance
- Settling for online partners who inaccurately portray themselves, their looks or their marital status
- Being afraid to ask tough or potentially intrusive questions before meeting for a date
- Failing to thoroughly read the potential dater’s profile
- Ignoring the signs that the potential date is otherwise involved.
Coloccia explains that many singles looking for love in cyber space are tempted to show themselves young, firm, sexy and expertly coiffed. But old pictures belie a darker truth that things may not be what they seem. Single people who are comfortable with themselves inspire more comfortable dating situations for their significant others. Confident singles tell the truth, show themselves for who they are–weaknesses and attributes alike and answer honest questions without shame.
Furthermore, she warns that many potential partners hide behind their charming profiles, refusing to share photos, exchange numbers, or IM at times other than deepest, darkest night. Such behavior indicates that the romancer has something to hide from you or another significant other. Building on real life experience, she proves that proper internet matchmaking practices can lead to romantic success in real time and improper practices are a waste of time.
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